Thursday, April 4, 2013

Keep calm and come - since you don't even have to apply for a VISA

Reading the map of the world from a condomized perspective 

These are foreign travel recommendations and warnings for Canadians (because non Canadians are not humans aha aha aha!) from the Department of Foreign Affairs ( what type of affair is this exactly?) and International Trade (bodies? arms? poverty? structural adjustment policies? Micro finance?) as of March 2013 (post Armageddon - say hi to the height of imperialism - talking about the world ending in 2012). Click on any country for more details (or bomb it away - invade in the name of women emancipation - or democratize it baby oh yeah). 

Note: Before you go, be sure to visit the Foreign Affairs web site (to get the proper contraception tools)  for the very latest information (which part of the world do we own now, which one is rioting against us). Foreign Affairs advises that Canadian travellers are responsible for their own personal safety while abroad (pause: think: safety: condoms? OR well you never know what happens in the brown i mean "dark" world out there). 

By the above - we don't only mean canada - it's for all of you Greenies 

So let us take you on a trip around the world as we see it -  just because we are not smart enough, since we are in some yellow part of the world - we fell on the wrong map. 

For the original Map click here - it gets bigger and smaller oooh wooow 

It says:

Red avoid all travel: Is that lace red for oh it's too sexy your heart might not be able to handle it? 

Mustard Avoid non - essential travel: As in the food is too spicy you might get hemorrhoids? 

Yellow avoid some areas: As in go to and type in: people - food - accessories - markets - heritage sites - world wonder where you can click a pic, grab some souvenirs and oh my god now you've conquered the dangerous other side of the map, brace yourself now you are so exotic.

Cyan Blue Exercise high degree of caution: oh hell, just baby look for the blue durex extra strong - and now you are safe and set to go. 

Green take normal security precautions: Define "normal" what is the norm in normal? Let's see about that. Killing aboriginal (see green down) Killing - eliminating - white spread proliferation of settlement colonialism -  ethnic cleansing of indigenous people (see green up) Mass genocide - colonialism - slavery (see various green spots) - you mean by normal the axes of neoliberalism? 

Oh wait israel is in yellow? Do they know it's the flag color of Hezzeb Alla - this peace map is making me tear up from irony. 

And the award goes to the United Nations and World Bank: Thank you thank you thank you for coloring up the world. 

Oh are you offended? Now imagine how we feel! 

This blog was tailored cooked and written with a lot of laughters with my yellow - yoga performing - fellow citizen of the global south - Sabzi.  


Anonymous said...

Imperialism this..Imperialism that..Get real you lefty weirdo Arab freak!

Mohammed ElKhateeb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mohammed ElKhateeb said...

Thanks for the article.. definitely a new way to see the travel advisory's and shit they just keep on saying to people