Sunday, November 3, 2013

What happens in the last month of the semester - shit happens

So you know you have been writing a paper intensely when you wake up fully dressed - from last night - drooling - over your laptop - in someone else's bed (oh no, that's only when you're drunk). Consecutive overnights of studying mostly have the same influence of getting drunk, you wake up with a hang over (if you ever sleep to wake up) and then you don't sleep, you actually pass out. So i have noticed that in my memory there's a mystery that always surround the last month of the semester - enigmatic month when all your papers are due, almost around the same time *shrugs* - and after you submit them you totally forget all the stuff that happened during that month. And since we are talking about documenting history (god i am so lame) here i try to document few of the incidents that happen through out this month. This is a mix up between imagination and reality, some of this shit did happen for real, others are scenarios that either happened in my head or just a fragment of my imagination since my brain activity tends to reside in it's creative side as a shelter of procrastination and resistance to productivity.

So, you wake up as if you got hit by a train after passing out without remembering how, jump in the shower? no you don't have time, you just have to live with the fact that you might stink for the upcoming few hours. Change outfits? what for? fuck the world who cares. You walk like a zombie take the first cab to the closest coffee shop where you will study - for the rest of the day. First thing you do is mark your territory, bring out of your backpack 7 books, compile them like a beautiful towel of hell and then order coffee. Since you have been reading and writing all night and you haven't spoken to any human being for days except your colleagues while discussing the paper; you order your coffee as such: "can i have a non empirical coffee, made with gender sensitivity by a worker who is fairly paid, harvested by locals where no development plans and multinational companies displaced the natives in order to exploit resources from the land? Waiter: huh? Me: No? ok, then i'll have one black coffee please. You move on, open your laptop write, read, yawn, procrastinate on facebook, curse at things happening on twitter - phone rings and the conversation goes as such: yes - pasta for lunch? pesto? white sauce? I don't like the discursive way we are discussing the pasta i think we are reproducing very pastanormative narratives, we should definitely try something new tonight, we need to imagine the embodiment of flavor, the saucy materialization of garlic and coriander, the - the - the deterterolization of the kitchen to the reteretoralization of the table (been a year and i gave up on spelling those two words correctly). Oh and please get the ingredients from the small shop next door, no big supermarkets, fuck capitalism, fuck it fuck it fuck it. Friend: hangs up in your face. 3 hours later the person sitting infront of you starts to give you weird looks (either frown or grin) depends if they like that you are actually staring at them or not! while in fact you were not staring at'em but just got into a 1 hour black out of meditating to the black dot on the wall behind them - the essence of life for 1 hour obviously was being derived from that black dot - what if we are a black dot - we are a black dot in this world - look how huge the universe is - oh my god i am so small - so small - so small.....ouch my brain hurts. You move on with writing then you decide to pack your stuff and take a walk. Your stand up and decide to pack your stuff, being butterfingered, you throw the rest of your coffee on your notes draft, you make a lot of disturbing noise, annoy the hell out of everyone in the coffeeshop, make a fool out of yourself, then walk out without paying because you forgot to pay. Then remember and go in and apologize, but since it's already established that you are the weird costumer, they smile happily that you left.

Then you get home and here comes the various creative ways of procrastination:
- Look for more papers that you know you will never read
- get suddenly interested in a totally different topic and spend hours wondering why you didn't write about that
- ask friends out for tea (of course, you engage into hours of intellectual conversation about global capital, colonialism, sexism, racism, etc,  that leaves each and everyone of you extremely depressed).
- get suddenly interested in forensic science
- your room look very messy, the only time of the year when you decide to organize it
- check on old friends you haven't talked to since school
- stalk your crush
- stalk your friends on facebook
- google search yourself
- decide to discover new music
- decide to go back to taking singing lessons
- look for lebanese restaurants online
- eat
- eat
- eat
- you suddenly feel very athletic and decide to go for a run (but you don't want to move from bed so engage in an indefinite imagination of yourself running)
- start wondering how other people procrastinate
- do laundry
- organize your desktop
- look through all your articles and decide to use all of them in a 2500 words paper than give up and stare at a wall
- think of ants, what if we are like ants and somebody is watching from way above and suddenly decide to squish us
- decide to produce your most amazing painting - that you give up on after 5 minutes
- read a totally irrelevant book that has been lying on your desk for month
- sit there and remember all the times you used irrelevant jargon in your daily conversation with people

ok, bye *goes back to her paper about nudity* *pets self on shoulder and sobs* 

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