Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Can we scare the zombies away and dance on the sea front?

If you saw someone wandering around that city, do you ever wonder if maybe they are looking for some star dust and a bit of magic. What happened to magic in this city? It constantly feels like someone has just sucked the magic out of it, drained it from the little pleasures of spontaneity and replaced it with staring eyes that look lifeless. But that's not because i am paranoid ( i know i am sometimes) its because there's something missing in Beirut but i cannot put my hands on it.

In the past Beirut used to fill me with life, it used to be the highly political space where everything happens. The place where you derive your enthusiasm and hope, even the will power to exist sometimes because it used to represent for me the potentiality of change. Now it only fills me with void, and i, like a lot of people try to fill that void with more meaningless void: food, cigarettes and liquors, maybe some shopping from time to time, good chocolate, good coffee and those are all things, only things. But there's always the day after the nights where you have to wake up and confront yourself and the fact that you live inside the void, while the void live inside you. What else there is but void in Beirut and meaninglessness? This is not a generalization, neither is it a rule, it is a mere personal reflection on what was before and what became of a place i keep coming back to for reasons that are beyond me and beyond logic. I guess it is a feeling (ew) of attachment to this city, and attachment is a feeling, thus its irrational, well i guess!

I've always believed and religiously argued that nothing exists in a vacuum. I like the word vacuum, its from the rare words that have two U next to each other. But regardless of my visual appetite for the word vacuum, yes, nothing exists in a vacuum but us, the inside of us. But hey, i was taught in academia that i shouldn't use the word "us" unless i am questioning who are we... so OK there's no us, there's me, maybe nothing exists in a vacuum but me, the inside of me. But if so, why does it feel as if this city was taken over by zombies, staring zombies to be specific with no life or magic whatsoever in their faces......

Can we scare the zombies away and dance on the sea front? no we can't? why? because zombies have a problem with life, they desire it, so they will eat us. Again with the us, the us, what happened to us? did we turn into zombies as well and maybe we are just not aware of it?

Vacuum kills words, it disperse them to letters of no meaning, again, there is no magic in no meaning and no meaning in letters that are neither words, dreams, imaginations or ideas and thus no meaning in reading anymore. Neither is there any meaning in writing but to kill time and maybe talk about the U in the vacuum and the O in the void. It's funny how the word void has an O in it, an empty circle, and that's exactly what void is.

I have a lot of theories of what happened to magic in Beirut: from explosions, to capitalism, to neoliberalism, to commodity fetishism, to privatizing the sea front and hiding it from the public, to the death of any political ideology that ever had the potential of existing - to the death of justice (not like it ever existed). But i don't want to talk about politics or ideologies, right now all i want to talk about is avocado icecream. Meaningless avocado icecream that means a lot for my taste buds! obviously. But yeah, the death of politics is the death of meaning and the death of magic in a place that was once full of dreams, potentzia and little specks of hope that life would conquer the zombification of Beirut. Hope that some debate would change the structure that produces a perfectly functional system that cause the disfunctionality of our lives. But no, words are dispersed into letter of no meaning and i want avocado icecream and then after i get avocado icecream i will look for another meaningless thing, item, to pursue because nothing fills vacuum but another vacuum of nothingness. 

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